A Marriage History


The journey of fourteen years has led me to many answers as well as questions. I’m happy to say that I feel that I now have reached a point where I have more answers than questions. However, there are still some missing pieces of the puzzle, but I am on them! While reading the book: A History Of Marriage, by Elizabeth Abbott, I am reminded of how fantastically well one can understand something (anything) by diving right into the history of it. The history of any given thing shows where people were coming from from the earliest recorded times into more recently and into modern times. Understanding origins and beginnings helps to understand the present and the future.

For example, did you know that marrying for love is quite recent, just since the Middle Ages? I was astounded by this little tid bit also. To us now, it may seem obvious to marry for love. That being the case, why are divorce rates so high? Maybe love is not enough…. Well, your grandparents, (maybe your parents) likely could have told you that. Assuming, of course that you have any of both left, (yes, any of both.) Well, it is the age of stroke, heart disease, Alzheimer’s, and Diabetes, the diseases that are easily prevented by eating the way we were intended to eat all along… But the soap operas, radio stations, conversations with the milk man… why didn’t they tell you? Where is instant wisdom-just add water when it is really needed?

Abbott gives a full history from early beginnings of what marriage was, into what it more recently has been and what it is now, to where it can go and how it can be. Marriage has been changing for a very long time-revolving door like. In fact, it’s hardly stayed exactly the same for more than fifty years. Marriage itself evolved right along with a society rapidly increasing in pace. If we look back, we can see that virtually everything has been an attempt to keep up with “progress for the sake of progress,” an attempt to keep up with society. Which changes faster, society? Individuals in a marriage? Or, marriage itself? Which one is expected to keep up with the others? Which can go?

Religions that place so much emphasis on marriage and marriage in a certain way, at such a young age seem to forget about society and that all have to live in society. Instead of forever insisting that marriage “stay this way always” (once again, when did always begin?) how about religion providing an alternative way to live by those suggestions, those maps it has created. This would essentially be a way of leaving society… Why, you may ask. I think the most suitable question is why not? You could say: “we can’t live or work in churches.” But all of us can live and work just fine in society right? It’s working grandly for everyone, right? No. There are loopholes. Actually there is much work to do. Actually, in some ways, society is a mess. The current reality is that people must hold to what little love and security they have to hold. At the end of the day, which has more say, the bills that need paying, the need to earn a buck and pursue pension, or the pastor? Which makes more sense? Society, or church? (that is, living in one). Which is toxic? Which is healthy? Both about either? Neither? Who has these answers?

Currently, the two are being mixed anyway. Church and state are supposed to be separate. The founding fathers of America had the wisdom to see that this was necessary. Still, the mixing happens. The blending is not working for some; I know I’m not alone. For people who have (or who have had) brain disorders, AKA mental illness, whether society or religion, currently, there is no real place for us… Both society and religion have shown that. Rigidity is not conducive to spirituality. Adapting and flowing allowance for a world that has so drastically changed since ancient text is imperative. It is time to gain the wisdom to see with clarity where an issue (societal to individual) may very possibly be something like an exception for reasons we may not yet understand-“wisdom in me”

Some Clarity

It is my intention to educate and promote awareness, pointing out the existing loopholes with intention to help tighten them. I am not here to make waves. However, I would like to be understood. There is no reason why any man or woman on the planet should have to go through what I have been through. I say this not in boasting; neither to be pitied but to illustrate areas that need work reconsideration and attention. For me, it has indeed been a wild ride, one I wouldn’t recommend. I’m glad it’s over. It would be great if others can avoid it. My duel, my bone to pick with society and religion is my experience-fourteen years of emotional pain, trial and error. I see the whole picture now. It is with the complete collapse of everything that I had worked so hard to build and grew to love, that gives me the foresight of these major loopholes. There is work to be done on all levels.

I am happy for those folks of whom religion serves as their all. People finding their place and becoming happy is a great thing, and a big part of what life’s all about. But there are some for whom it doesn’t fit. I explain below.

Jesus fully understood that prior to spiritual sermons and before one could be expected to follow a religious system, that individuals’ basic needs must first be met. The bare framework of religion can provide a solid structure for life to thrive, but the framework is a part of the whole, for others to fill in with life-things-living, particularly in the spiritual sense. There is much mention of the garden, the living God, the light, life, living, creation for a reason. These more closely represent our beginnings much more than do our man made bricks, asphalt, 9-5’s, and mortar of society that we try to call living, that we try to call life. There is no life but life.

The positive experiences that I have had through the years with religious leaders are something that I do acknowledge and remember very well; but when it came down to it, the hands of these well intended folks were pinned by the rules, regulations, policies and procedures of the factory; both the religious one and the societal one. The negative experiences I have had with religious leaders are noted also. I have forgiven and moved on, but have taken the lessons learned. I know where I stand, at peace and confidence, respecting the natural flow and going in baby steps, but I know who I trust and who I do not.

As mentioned in my second book, Life Is Conscious, there are spiritual people and there are religious people. They are not so easily one and the same. Each have their place…

To any listening religious folk, with all due respect, please don’t so quickly assume that you fully understand living in the light, or being planted in the light when your most frequent pulpit of preaching is very much from within a building. With that, please don’t automatically assume that you fully understand where we spiritual folks are coming from, or that we are any less spiritual as we are without that building.

The living universe, the living light is alive and has less to do with buildings and much more to do with life-living-life; the living life-force of all creation. The times of old mentioned in ancient text when men and women walked and talked with God, an open communion are some of the oldest for a reason. It is because our collective progression has actually been a digression. Now, we are so far off collectively that miracles, God, spirituality is the obscurity, the rarity, the foreigner. I would like to see this turn the other way now, an open field for anyone who wants to explore this. Are you with me?

I submit that ideas and options in this world have become so diversified in this touch of a button society that the cookie cutter, factory-stamp answer is no longer the answer for everyone and it’s time for all to just accept this. There are some for whom it doesn’t fit and they are still every bit as spiritual, loving, tender hearted an keenly tuned in to a spiritual life line, their creator. We feel closest to our creator by being among what was created-creation… (life) oceans, sunshine, rivers, soil, animals, forests. We have a strong reverence for creation and our mother earth and preserving her resources and all life upon her is among our top priorities. It becomes a part of all that we do and can easily be interpreted as obsession to others. We have been saddened and disappointed in the destruction of creation having been called progress, with money as the means-the reason-from top to bottom. We see the role that both society and religion have played in this. Again, education, understanding, cooperation and meeting half way is the goal. The positive change that is taking place in this way is noteworthy.

I suppose that I am at least one of many intending to show this because here I am. Our intention is to educate, harmonize and we come in peace, wanting to help and heal and be healed. However, we submit that it is time to change some things.

It is after this major collapse in my own life that I am again asking some questions, but I do have some answers.

To my readers, I strongly recommend the book A History of Marriage. Eye-opening! As with any part of history, it wasn’t always pretty, and was quite rocky, rough, especially for women. History stays. It is a permanent etching, a lesson from which we can all learn. Often times, it is cold hard reality. The evolution of a tradition as it is so commonly called changed right beside and was influenced by the well known atrocities of society in history such as slavery, war, poverty, disease and famine. I am not yet finished with reading the book, but will be soon.

These questions are not only for me, but for all. Do you know the answers?

More of my own books coming up with them. Much work; they will will take some time.
Thank you for reading.

This concludes “the real chapter.” Keeping it real. It’s where I’m comin’ from. It ends here as we hit the brick wall that now collapses. At least the brick wall has moved now though, but my head really hurts… Wished I would have at least had a helmet. A battering ram? There is stubbornness and then there is rigidity.

Well, this is a fitting end of the past 14 years. What do I know? (besides that my head hurts that is)?? I am here… I do know that… I’m not in an institution, not in jail, not on the streets, not addicted to anything, nor in a gang. I am here with a job, (both to do and retain) 😉 reptiles, photos, a plan and life… Now that says something.

All about keeping positive, finding the bright side, daring to dream, the brick wall of reality, familiarization between the brick wall and the clouds, keeping it real, but by damn! with the resilience to dream too…

So without further ado, climb with me from the rubble; here’s to a change in direction now.

O is for onion. Raw onions are a bit strong in taste for most folks, even though they are “SO good fo ya health.”

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